It's been almost six months since I've been back and I think I'm just starting to get adjusted. And when I say adjusted, I mean that I dread work a little less these days. I still dread waking up in the morning but the days seem to fly by at work and I know that the kids and John are happy and well taken care of at home. I say this all the time but I'll say it again - It is a blessing to have a husband who respects me and who is more than willing to share the burden and responsibility of all aspects of raising our children and taking care of the household, all while attending school and working on the weekends. Someone in our MCG group shared about having perspective in life and I think that's just what I needed to hear.
Life is all about perspective.
I love my family. We are all healthy. I have a good job and I work with my friends. I love God and I know He loves me. So when I look at it this way, life is really not that bad.
Not bad at all.
***
On a side note, the one benefit of commuting is that I get some time to myself to chill and listen to music on the train. My new discovery - AHMIR. Check them out on YouTube. Thanks Jennifer Hong :)
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Monday
It's been a crazy couple of months. In the blink of an eye, we've gone from lazy summer days to GO GO GO. Two of the three kids are in school and John starts school tomorrow. I work Mon-Fri, come home, make dinner, bathe the kids, read to them, brush teeth, sometimes play a little more and then it's off to bed. John drives them here and there and everywhere, helps with homework, picks up toys, edits photos, makes multiple meals that sometimes get eaten, sometimes not. We are barely held together by the slowly unraveling threads of sanity by the time we get into bed, usually around 8:30 - me with a book, John with his laptop. It is only then that we can breathe, review the day together and just…..chill. The evenings after the kids bedtime has become our recovery time, right before I toss my book on the nightstand, adjust my eyemask over my face, shove my earplugs in my ears and pass out. Then I wake up and the day repeats itself once again.
So here I am.
So here I am.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
It takes too much effort to think of a title.
Wow.
It's been so long since I've logged on here that I just don't really know what to do with myself. Let's see, where did I end off? Oh yes, the last time I posted here, I was happily employed by three tiny minions, slaving over a hot stove and wiping a**es every five minutes. While I did enjoy that job ever so much, I have to say that the pay kind of sucked. But now, I'm up at some godforsaken hour typing away at my work computer. Yes, work. As in, paid employment some 30+ miles away from the comfort of my own home. The last few months have been a tumultuous, interesting and strangely educational period in our lives and we're still trying to figure out what the hell we're doing. But in the meantime, this is where I'll be for the next year or so - in front of this computer doing what I did so well for 7 years before I quit in 2008 - pretending to work while sleeping at my desk with my eyes open. So while some things change, some things just stay the same.
It's been so long since I've logged on here that I just don't really know what to do with myself. Let's see, where did I end off? Oh yes, the last time I posted here, I was happily employed by three tiny minions, slaving over a hot stove and wiping a**es every five minutes. While I did enjoy that job ever so much, I have to say that the pay kind of sucked. But now, I'm up at some godforsaken hour typing away at my work computer. Yes, work. As in, paid employment some 30+ miles away from the comfort of my own home. The last few months have been a tumultuous, interesting and strangely educational period in our lives and we're still trying to figure out what the hell we're doing. But in the meantime, this is where I'll be for the next year or so - in front of this computer doing what I did so well for 7 years before I quit in 2008 - pretending to work while sleeping at my desk with my eyes open. So while some things change, some things just stay the same.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
For you (re-posted from almost one year ago)
The well worn cliche' - life is short. So cliche and yet, so appropriate. None of us know what path our lives will take, what our present will be, what our future will hold. One day we might wake up and the world we have known for the past 20, 30 years will have been shattered in the blink of an eye.
I realize that I have always been a rather emotionally distant person. Not including my family, of course, but to those on the outside world - pseudo friends, aquaintenances, co-workers. Rarely do I let my wall down to truly share who I really am. But in the last few years, I have forged lasting and strong relationships with certain individuals and families and these relationships are important. They are carved into my life in a way that affects the way I think, the things I do and the reasons behind which I do them. I have never been one of those "Friends are my family" people, because frankly, I have a family of my own. But I have now come to realize that these friends have become a different kind of family - equally important in a non-biological, non-obligatory way. They are part of my life. Part of the lives of my children. An integral component of my identity as a Christian.
It is still somewhat difficult for me to invest in relationships outside of my comfort zone. As I get older, I have less time to spend with my own family and whatever time I do have I want to fully embrace. But making these friends and forging these bonds have made me realize how important a role we play in each others lives. Friendship, like any other relationship, is about give and take. Sacrifice and generosity. Sharing joy and sharing pain.
You realize how profoundly important someone is to you when their joy becomes your own joy, their pain becomes your own pain. Their lives become a part of your own life.
I realize that I have always been a rather emotionally distant person. Not including my family, of course, but to those on the outside world - pseudo friends, aquaintenances, co-workers. Rarely do I let my wall down to truly share who I really am. But in the last few years, I have forged lasting and strong relationships with certain individuals and families and these relationships are important. They are carved into my life in a way that affects the way I think, the things I do and the reasons behind which I do them. I have never been one of those "Friends are my family" people, because frankly, I have a family of my own. But I have now come to realize that these friends have become a different kind of family - equally important in a non-biological, non-obligatory way. They are part of my life. Part of the lives of my children. An integral component of my identity as a Christian.
It is still somewhat difficult for me to invest in relationships outside of my comfort zone. As I get older, I have less time to spend with my own family and whatever time I do have I want to fully embrace. But making these friends and forging these bonds have made me realize how important a role we play in each others lives. Friendship, like any other relationship, is about give and take. Sacrifice and generosity. Sharing joy and sharing pain.
You realize how profoundly important someone is to you when their joy becomes your own joy, their pain becomes your own pain. Their lives become a part of your own life.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Parenting 102
I started this post a couple of months ago but then never got around to finishing it. Until today.
I know I've been neglecting this blog but I'll try to keep more up to date going forward. And in case you're wondering, I'm still not at Day 30 of the shred. And yes, it's been way over 30 days since I started. And yes, it's called "The 30 Day Shred". And yes, sadly I am still flabby.
Anyways, carry on. Hopefully I'll be back with more. I am not making any promises, but I'll try. And next time I might even have pictures!
***
I'm just not good at being a stay at home mom.
No phrase irks me more than this one.
It's an easy way to say that you just might not want to be a stay at home. and nothing is wrong with that. I just wish people would say what they mean without masking it in a cloud of faux self-deprecation.
Say what you mean - if what you really mean is that you don't like staying home and would rather work, just say it. Say what you mean instead of hiding behind words you think will stave off judgement. Because you know what?
You will be judged, no matter what.
Judging. It's what people do. Is it right? No. But is it a natural human reaction? Yes. We tend to judge people when their choices differ from ours, when it may be something we would never do or even consider. But God created us all differently for a reason. Life is not a simple puzzle of squares and circles. We are given twists, turns, bends, and improbable obstacles and we have to find a way to make it work. As parents, we figure out what works for us and we stick with it. But others feel that their way is the way and proceed to let it be known to the world.
In the media, no one gets more beat up and judged than mothers. Mothers who work put their careers ahead of their family. Mothers who stay home are stunting equality and slowing the movement of womens rights. Moms who breastfeed are harpy hippies. Moms who formula feed are detached and uninformed. Instead of building one another up, we are tearing each other down, many times as reassurance to our own choices.
Personally, I am confident in the choices I make for my children and my family. Much of this comes from the experience of raising three small children - with each child comes more wisdom and more "ah ha!" moments. But I have made my share of mistakes. I have heard my share of criticisms. But from these, I learn. I change. I grow. I make my choices and I do the best that I can - whether it be as a working mom or a stay at home mom. I do the best I can do.
And the best that I can do should be more than good enough.
I know I've been neglecting this blog but I'll try to keep more up to date going forward. And in case you're wondering, I'm still not at Day 30 of the shred. And yes, it's been way over 30 days since I started. And yes, it's called "The 30 Day Shred". And yes, sadly I am still flabby.
Anyways, carry on. Hopefully I'll be back with more. I am not making any promises, but I'll try. And next time I might even have pictures!
***
I'm just not good at being a stay at home mom.
No phrase irks me more than this one.
It's an easy way to say that you just might not want to be a stay at home. and nothing is wrong with that. I just wish people would say what they mean without masking it in a cloud of faux self-deprecation.
Say what you mean - if what you really mean is that you don't like staying home and would rather work, just say it. Say what you mean instead of hiding behind words you think will stave off judgement. Because you know what?
You will be judged, no matter what.
Judging. It's what people do. Is it right? No. But is it a natural human reaction? Yes. We tend to judge people when their choices differ from ours, when it may be something we would never do or even consider. But God created us all differently for a reason. Life is not a simple puzzle of squares and circles. We are given twists, turns, bends, and improbable obstacles and we have to find a way to make it work. As parents, we figure out what works for us and we stick with it. But others feel that their way is the way and proceed to let it be known to the world.
In the media, no one gets more beat up and judged than mothers. Mothers who work put their careers ahead of their family. Mothers who stay home are stunting equality and slowing the movement of womens rights. Moms who breastfeed are harpy hippies. Moms who formula feed are detached and uninformed. Instead of building one another up, we are tearing each other down, many times as reassurance to our own choices.
Personally, I am confident in the choices I make for my children and my family. Much of this comes from the experience of raising three small children - with each child comes more wisdom and more "ah ha!" moments. But I have made my share of mistakes. I have heard my share of criticisms. But from these, I learn. I change. I grow. I make my choices and I do the best that I can - whether it be as a working mom or a stay at home mom. I do the best I can do.
And the best that I can do should be more than good enough.
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