Fears and unanswered questions

I'm trying not to let this consume me but I keep thinking about what happened at Evelyn's school. A million thoughts keep going through my mind as I replay back the events of today. I wonder who would have noticed if she was missing. I mean, if John and I hadn't followed the bus to school, who would have known she'd even made it there on the bus? As parents, how are we to even know if our kids make it to the school via the bus on the first place. Sure, buses are touted as safe rides for children of all ages. We were assured at the school open house that special care and attention would be given to all the kindergarteners.

Well, if this is their idea of special care and attention....

How does something like this even happen?? I mean, obviously no one even noticed my little four year old girl wandering the halls upstairs alone until an announcement was made. If we weren't there to draw attention to this issue, would the announcement have been made at all? Who would have known to look for a little girl in a purple jacket, a little girl named Evelyn Bang?

No one would have noticed. No one would have even known.

So how am I supposed to comfortably send her back there, day after day? How do other parents do this? How do I let go so my children can grow up and become strong, independent adults? How do I let go when everything within me wants to lock them up in the house and homeschool them - er, if I were that kind of parent, of course. Heh.

This parenting thing... how do people do it.

I really don't know.

Two more days

Two more days.

Two more days until my first born goes to school for the first time ever.

I am dreading the thought of being away from Evelyn for six hours, 3 days/week. I can't promise you I won't cry. I'll probably weep a little. Like a dude whose team has lost the superbowl.

She had her kindergarten open house last Thursday. We had been anticipating the open house for weeks, hoping to get more acquainted with the school and the teacher. I was also hoping I'd be able to get some of my more pressing questions answered.


Will she be ok on the bus? How do you handle lunchtime? How many times a month will she have PE?


I was really counting on going to the open house to have any doubts quelled and to make myself feel better about the decision to have her start this early. We stayed at the school for over an hour and met Evelyn's teacher, explored the classroom and took a short bus ride. When it was finally time to leave, Evelyn was in a fair mood. She seemed a bit nervous about her classroom but was very excited about the bus ride.



And I?



Did not feel better about anything.



At all.



I left the school feeling more apprehensive than I had been leading up to that night. I think visiting her classroom and meeting her teacher were concrete indications that my baby is indeed growing up quickly. Too quickly. Her teacher seemed nice enough, if a little indifferent towards Evelyn but I'm sure it was the atmosphere of having many overbearing parents and hyper children running rampant around her legs while trying to discuss school logistics. Or maybe she was just indifferent. Who knows. I guess we will see as the school year progresses.

Evelyn seems ready to be in a classroom setting. To be learning new things and making new friends. She seems so ready to grow up and discover an entirely new world.

But I'm not ready. Not ready at all.

But I only have two more days to prepare myself.


Two more days...