It takes too much effort to think of a title.

Wow.

It's been so long since I've logged on here that I just don't really know what to do with myself. Let's see, where did I end off? Oh yes, the last time I posted here, I was happily employed by three tiny minions, slaving over a hot stove and wiping a**es every five minutes. While I did enjoy that job ever so much, I have to say that the pay kind of sucked. But now, I'm up at some godforsaken hour typing away at my work computer. Yes, work. As in, paid employment some 30+ miles away from the comfort of my own home. The last few months have been a tumultuous, interesting and strangely educational period in our lives and we're still trying to figure out what the hell we're doing. But in the meantime, this is where I'll be for the next year or so - in front of this computer doing what I did so well for 7 years before I quit in 2008 - pretending to work while sleeping at my desk with my eyes open. So while some things change, some things just stay the same.

For you (re-posted from almost one year ago)

The well worn cliche' - life is short. So cliche and yet, so appropriate. None of us know what path our lives will take, what our present will be, what our future will hold. One day we might wake up and the world we have known for the past 20, 30 years will have been shattered in the blink of an eye.

I realize that I have always been a rather emotionally distant person. Not including my family, of course, but to those on the outside world - pseudo friends, aquaintenances, co-workers. Rarely do I let my wall down to truly share who I really am. But in the last few years, I have forged lasting and strong relationships with certain individuals and families and these relationships are important. They are carved into my life in a way that affects the way I think, the things I do and the reasons behind which I do them. I have never been one of those "Friends are my family" people, because frankly, I have a family of my own. But I have now come to realize that these friends have become a different kind of family - equally important in a non-biological, non-obligatory way. They are part of my life. Part of the lives of my children. An integral component of my identity as a Christian.

It is still somewhat difficult for me to invest in relationships outside of my comfort zone. As I get older, I have less time to spend with my own family and whatever time I do have I want to fully embrace. But making these friends and forging these bonds have made me realize how important a role we play in each others lives. Friendship, like any other relationship, is about give and take. Sacrifice and generosity. Sharing joy and sharing pain.

You realize how profoundly important someone is to you when their joy becomes your own joy, their pain becomes your own pain. Their lives become a part of your own life.

School. Days.....? Oh, forget it.

Nothing really exciting going on around here on the home front. The kids have been generally very pleasant and cute to be around these days so I guess that means no interesting blog stories. Jeez, happy kids are boring. Pffft.

Evelyn is at school today and the babies are napping so the house is eerily quiet. I hear random banging and humming from Oliver upstairs so I know he's ok. He's just chugging along with his trains.

Chugging.

Trains.

Get it? I'm hilare!

......so.... anyways,

I called the school recently to ask about next year's kindergarten program and turns out Evelyn will be going all day next year. That means, everyday. all day.

Five. Days. A. Week.

Now, if you asked me how I felt about this six months ago, I would have probably told you how sad I feel or how much I'd miss her, but now that I've had a taste of what a quiet household school life is like for all of us, I'm really excited. More importantly, she loves going to school and always comes home smiling, regaling me with story after story. I'm sure one day she'll wake up and declare she "hates school" and is "never going to go again", but I'll enjoy her innocence and excitement for as long as I can.

***

So, we're all finally almost all better around here. Thankfully, the kids are 100% - I'm the only one holding onto the disgusting congestion and cough. Plus, I've been having sinus pain the last couple of days, which has made me even more pleasant. Har.

I've managed to work out a total of five times in the last two weeks, three of which are from this week. I'm trying to make a habit of it so I don't make excuses for myself to skip and get lazy. I haven't lost any weight, which.. FINE, universe. YOU WIN, but I definitely have more energy and am a little less moody. Hey, I said a little.

***

Ooh, babies are awake. Time for lunch and then I have to load them in the car to get Evelyn. Fun times.
OMG. I make myself sound so exciting. Somebody stop me.

Day 13. 14 and UGH

I have been living in the House of Cough and Snot for the last week or so. Turns out Evelyn had an ear infection on top of her horrible coughing and high fever. Wesley, Elliott and Oliver all had fevers and buckets of snot dripping from their noses.The kids are finally on the mend but I am still holding strong to mild congestion and a hacking cough. So basically I feel like hot, roasted ass. Lovely.

***

I hadn't worked out since last Wednesday since, you know, my lungs were in danger of being expelled from my chest with every hack. Sunday was definitely my worst day so far and thankfully Lisa took the kids out to the park and for a walk so I could veg at home in relative silence. On Monday, I felt relatively well enough to attempt the Shred video and got through Level 2 without fainting. Tuesday, I decided to push myself with Level 3 and let's just say, today - Wednesday - I am paying for it. My legs are s.o.r.e. I am taking a break today because I still feel stuffy and congested. Can I just not be sick anymore? Please? Thanks.

Either way, it's still work. And Day 9.

At small group yesterday, some of the girls were talking about the struggles of being a working mother. Now, I quit my job almost two years ago to stay home with the kids, so I've definitely had to think much less about the never ending strife of a working mom. However, the four plus years of being a working, commuting mom definitely took its toll on me. So when Macalla asked how the working mom does it, I answered with the only thing that made sense to me:

"You do neither job particularly well"

I remember struggling to focus at work, zoning out during meetings, passing up opportunities of promotions and more challenging work. I'd rush through the day in order to catch the first train that left the city. Once at home, I'd obsess about cleaning up the trail left by the kids, husband and mother-in-law. I would attempt to spend quality time with the children, while also craving solace and peace in my room, away from the bustle and mayhem of my chatty  MIL. At work, I felt unmotivated and sluggigh. At home, I felt leeched and worn. At neither place was I at my best. At neither job did I excel. At neither job did I even really try. I had just barely the energy to be good enough. Good enough was not really acceptable at my job and my children definitely deserved more from their mother than just mediocre, just good enough.

So when I got pregnant with Wesley, I decided that I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't make myself wake up daily at 4:15, to begrudgingly ride the train to Seattle. To sit in an office instead of playing outside with my kids. To have my elderly MIL care for three children. I couldn't go through life half assed anymore. I wanted to be able to be a good mother to my children, a better wife to my husband.

To clarify, I never felt like bad mother because I worked. I worked out of necessity and even at times I felt a sense of pride in my job. I didn't necessarily choose to work but I know many women who do. I hold no judgement for mothers who work  and who have successful, lucrative careers and are the main breadwinners of their family. In fact, I am in awe of women who are able to reach that level of career success with happy, healthy families, and yes, I do in fact know many women who have been able to balance their lives in this way.

But for me, I craved the time at home with my children. I went back to work when Evelyn was 12 weeks old. Oliver was 11 weeks old when my maternity leave ended. I didn't want to have to leave another tiny baby at home while I went off to a job I didn't really even particularly love. I wanted to be the one to wake up and make breakfast for my kids, to drive them to preschool and to put them down for naps. When I was working, I felt like I had no control over what my  kids did during the day. No matter how much I nagged my MIL or husband, they just couldn't do things the way I preferred. I just wanted to be home with them full time.  So in April 2008, I quit my job and became a Stay at Home Mom.

And so here I am.

The life of a SAHM in itself has been a challenge and let no woman tell you that it is easy to stay home all day long with your beautiful, demanding children. That being said, the role of a SAHM is none the easier just because I'm not leaving the house everyday to work. I just get to work in sweats. The pay kind of sucks though.  But I get paid in memories right? Wah Wah. Ha. But I'll save the woes of the SAHM for another post.


***

Day 9: I'm getting into the groove with Level 2. The hardest obstacle for me is trying to get Oliver out of my way as I attempt some pushups. He was kind enough to support me during the workout and tried some of the moves himself. Very cute.

Next is Level 3. I'm scurred...

BTW, I just made some brownie spoon pudding and ate about 1/4 of it. OH YEAH.

Day 1: Not shredded just yet

I just finished my very first workout with Jillian Michaels.

After the first set of strength training with little 2 pound weights, my arms were burning. After the first set of jumping jacks, my knees were protesting in pain and I could barely use my so called abdominal "muscles" to do a proper sit up.

Verdict?


I am horribly out of shape. And obviously in need of some exercise.

I can't say much in terms of change just yet, but I can tell you that I do feel better after a nice brisk workout. We'll see how long I can keep this up and how soon I will see some, if any, changes in my body and my mood.

Day one: DONE

Yes, it's really me writing this post

Those who really know me know this -

I don't exercise.

I don't like to work out. I don't like to exert myself. I just don't like it. It's all... hard and stuff.

However, I have recently had a tiny change of heart. I mean, I think I look relatively thin but I'm nowhere near in healthy shape. One word - Flabby. I might look fine to in clothes but looks are deceiving under drapey sweaters. Also, why do you think I wear black all of the time? I just want to feel healthier and have more energy. I drag my knuckles around the house all day from fatigue and low energy. This in turn causes me to be grumpy - to my kids, to my husband, actually...to anyone in the 100 yard vicinity of me.

So I have decided to do something about it.

No, I haven't joined a gym or anything - because I'm too cheap - but I've am going to take the plunge and try this:

I'd like for someone to hold me now. Thank you.

When I was in line at Walgreens waiting to purchase the DVD, the cashier actually pointed to it and said "OOH, she's mean". Fantastic. Just what I need to get this flabby vessel in shape. I mean, have you seen her berate some of those contesants on The Biggest Loser? Although, I must say from experience that sometimes being mean gets the job done. Ask my family,

Anyways, I'm sharing my workout news with you because I figure I will document my progress and see if I notice any changes to my body/mind/spirit. I am not going to do this for 30 days straight but the idea of the workouts is to work your way to 30 days on increasing levels of intensity. I will probably aim to work out at least 3 times a week.

And sorry, I won't be posting any pictures of my "badly in need of a tan and a good sloughing" body. After all, I am a very vain person who has too much shame respect you all too much. Yeah, something like that.

So... tomorrow is day one. I'll let you know how it goes.

First of 2010.

First post of the new year! It only took me 8 days to write my first post of 2010. Although, it has been significantly longer between posts. Don't ask me what's wrong with me lately, I don't know either.

After two weeks of winter break, Evelyn is back in school and let me tell you, things are QUIET when she's gone. All of my kids have inherited the "quiet in public, obnoxious in private" gene. So on the days when she doesn't have school? It's blow horn city around here. Especially, especially during Wesley and Elliott's naptime.

Awesome.

Speaking of Elliott, the two babies are becoming quite buddy-buddy. They seem to nap better when they go down together, although Elliott doesn't like to nap for any longer than one hour and 45 minutes, max. Whereas my baby, if the conditions allow, can sleep for up to three hours. This is after sleeping anywhere between 12-14 hours a night. What can I say, all my children also inherited my "sleep so much it's impossible you can be tired but you're still tired anyways" gene.

My genes - future therapy gold.



Speaking of tired.

I am t.i.r.e.d.

All. the. time.

No, I'm not pregnant. Moving along.

I suppose this dreary weather has something to do with things but generally I'm just always so exhausted. I admit, I've been sleeping later than I should and waking up a few times during the night.

Curse you, small bladder! Curses!

Also, my diet has been horrible these last couple of months. These days my main food groups have consisted of coffee and creamer. And yet, here I am. SO. TIRED.

I also can't remember the last time I enjoyed a fruit or vegetable. Sure, I'll grab one of the kids' apple slices here and there but I don't think I've actually eaten an entire apple or any healthy green vegetables. In fact, I really can't tell you what I've been eating. And yet, my arms are still sausagy and I have whole milk cottage cheese on my thighs. Damn metabolism.

Anyways, I don't really believe in setting New Years resolutions because I think it's silly to only have goals during one time of the year. I know I need to start eating better and exercising (UGH) even though it is something I abhor. I've dusted off our trusty treadmill in the garage and one of these days maybe I'll use it.

Hey, I said maybe.

Baby steps.

***

Proof that my son is incapable of taking a decent picture.

Hey, let's take a picture!

Put your hand down!

Dude, open your eyes!

Hello, did you even hear what I said? YOUR EYES. OPEN.

OK, now close your mouth!

Not your eyes. Your mouth.

....Oh nevermind.

Like the Bat Mobile, just way less cooler.

We just bought a minivan.

And you know what?

I like it. I really like it.

I KNOW!

Six years ago.... oh hell, six minutes ago I would have never, ever imagined myself driving a "mommy mobile" and now, at the tender age of 32, with three kids ages 5 and under, I am the confused proud owner of a lovely Honda Odyssey. I'm not even sure how it happened really. I wasn't even quite sure of my feelings when I opened the garage door and saw the thing parked in place of our trusty pathfinder.

But when I stepped into the van, I knew.

I knew it was the car for us. Because I was standing. STANDING in the vehicle. With room to spare. Seats far enough apart where the kids couldn't touch, bother, poke each other. Automatic sliding doors. Six cup holders in the front!

What... I get thirsty.

Not to mention enough passenger space to fit more people if need be. Space for the stroller plus other random junk in the back. Just more room. More everything!

And now, days later I'm finding myself creating reasons to leave the house. I stare longingly at the car keys, imagining all the kids piling easily into the van, settling themselves in their seats as I swiftly buckle them in. I practically jump at reasons to run to the store now, whereas before I'd wait until we'd have one egg and 2 ounces of milk left before I left the house.

I'm sure this is what people call the "new car honeymoon phase" - a phase I never thought I'd be in. But look at me now.

Just look at me.

I don't even know who I am anymore. But that's ok. Because now I can get 28 miles to the gallon on this sucker.

Again. Who am I? Yeesh. Just don't be surprised if you find me rolling up to church in denim relaxed fit capri pants, slip on keds and one of those korean mom visors.

I'm just saying.

One of the seven dwarves.

I am grumpy.

Very, very grumpy.

Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who are positive all the time.

Oh wait....

No I don't. That actually sounds pretty annoying.

I just wish, right now, that I wasn't so grumpy. Especially to my kids. They're just kids, they don't know that screaming and playing around is annoying to me. I guess it really shouldn't be annoying but you know what? It is.

I  was very angry at the kids tonight for not cleaning up their rooms. I was angry because Steven someone clogged the toilet and didn't bother to unclog it before he left the house. I was angry because we only have two plungers in this house and three bathrooms. I'll let you guess which bathroom doesn't have a plunger.  I was angry because John bought a different brand of soy milk and Wesley cried and cried because he didn't like the taste.

Stupid things to get angry about. Except the toilet part. Who wouldn't get angry! Toilets are gross. Add cloggage and it's even more gross. Nothing makes me more angry than cleaning toilets.

Rational, I know.

While it is obvious that I need some sort of break, please don't tell me I need a break. Because you know what, it's probably not going to happen. Maybe it's because I don't try hard enough to make time for a break. But we all need breaks. It's just that sometimes we don't get exactly what we need when we need it.

So what's a girl to do, right?

Nothing. Except maybe write about it and feel a little better having gotten it off my mind. And then go crawl into bed with my heating pad and watch hours of frightening yet addicting episodes of Criminal Minds.

I'm not looking for a solution, an answer, a magic wave of the wand to make things better.

I'm just grumpy.

That's all.

Sweats are the new black

Speaking of doing nothing else.....

So yeah, the chasm between blog posts are becoming much wider as time flies by. It's already Thanksgiving and almost time for Christmas madness. How in the world did we get here?!

Anyways, things at Bang household have been pretty standard - lots of poop wiping, general childrearing and house cleaning going on around here.

It's now been about a year and a half since I quit my job to stay home with the kids and in that time frame, I've noticed myself evolving. I've never been the most ambitious person in the world but I've always been generally uniform in my daily tasks. Brisk. Efficient. Before I had kids, I used to shower and dress in normal clothes regardless of my plans for the day. Even if I had planned to stay home and clean the garage, I'd shower, straighten my hair and put on a little makeup. I always felt that being physically put together made me feel more awake, more energetic. Like a human being.

However.

I realize how that the longer you stay home, the more parental responsibilities you hold, the less sleep you attain, things change. And change they have.

A few observations:

1. Daily showers are now rare optional.

2. Long hair is required for ease of ponytails and haphazard buns. *See #1

3. Kids in pjs all day? What's the problem?

4. Me in pj's all day? What's the problem?

5. I have three pairs of sweats on rotation every week. Two of them have bleach stains and rips at the bottom hem.

6. I can officially cross my name off the list for "Hottest Mom in Bonney Lake. *See #5

7. I lie - actually my name wasn't even on the ballot.

As I type this, I'm sitting here in last night's pj's with my unwashed hair in a greasy ponytail. I can feel the beginnings of a volcano zit start to form on my upper lip and I just bit part of my ragged nail off my rough, dry man hands.

I'm still waiting for my casting call, Tyra Banks. ANTM, baby!


***

Btw, my ps camera broke so pictures will be sparse until I can replace it. Boo.

Blah. Just.... blah.

Wow.

I guess I've been neglecting this blog for a while now. I don't know, these days I don't really have much to write about. Normally my mind would be teeming with excellent blog material. I mean, I am a stay at home mom to three kids under the age of 5 and one would think the day would be filled with random happenings and such.

But yeah, I've got nothing going on here.

Well, okay. That's not necessarily true. Now that Evelyn has started school, I have become a part time limo driver. Except it's not a limo, it's an dirty old pathfinder and I don't even have one of those nifty caps.

Which reminds me, I rear ended a car on the way to drop off Evelyn. We were fine, I was fine, the other car was fine. My car was the only one with a tiny bit of minor damage. But somehow, Evelyn manages to bring up the event as often as she can remember.

"Mommy, you should slow down. remember when you hit the red car on the way to school? Daddy, you should slow down because Mommy hit the car on the way to school. You should just down. You don't want to run into another car on the way to school, okay?"

Even Oliver chimes in with "Swow down! You going too fassst!"

Seriously, who knew small children could backseat drive?

Also, when Evelyn's at school, the house is eerily silent. and I LIKE IT. Of course, I miss her terribly during the day when she's at school and I sit by the clock wringing my hands until it's time to leave and pick her up. But I am very much enjoying the peacefulness of having just the boys at home. Believe or not, Oliver turns into an angel when Evelyn's gone. He rarely has a complaint and even enjoys sharing his toys with Wesley. I think Evelyn's presence tends to turn up the noise and the activity up a million few notches.

Other than that, I find myself not really motivated to do much else besides the usual household and motherly duties. I have a pile of books on my nightstand, waiting to be cracked open. I now have time to maybe search online for part time work at home job opportunities. Even start seriously looking into pre-reqs for the Highline nursing program. I have all this extra time when Wesley sleeping that I could devote to learning a new hobby - sewing, perhaps? I even have a sewing machine tucked away somewhere in the closet. But these days, nothing seems to really grab my attention. I'm just feeling kind of.... blah.

Blah, blah, blah.

Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

To be cont.....

Wah wah wah Charlie Brown's teacher

I am having one of those parenting days.

You know, the ones where your throat is sore. But not because you are sick, if you know what I mean. I was just telling my husband the other day how pleasant the kids have become. When Evelyn is at school, the house is peaceful. Oliver happily plays with his trains, Wesley crawls all over the house like a madman and things are quiet. On Evelyn's off days, the kids all play together in Oliver's room, sharing trains and laughing and reading books.

I should just really keep my mouth shut and count my blessings because today?

Today was different.

Today was one of those days. The days filled with threats, screams, tears. Thank goodness everyone is now in bed. And they better stay in bed or else....

Also, Glee is on! I'll be in my happy place at 9:00pm.

It doesn't help that my teeth are $%#*& killing me! I just had my wisdom tooth extracted last Monday but I've still been feeling residual pain. I did some reading on my oral surgeon's website and it sounds like I may have dry socket or whatever godforsaken thing can happen after an extraction. Fan-bloody-tastic, I tell ya.

Jeez, my first blog post in a long, long time and this is what you get.
Didya miss me or what...

Keep your expecations low, people.

Ummmm..... so yeah. It's been a while, hasn't it? What can I say, I've been lazy. Plus, John was on vacation last week so it's almost like I had a real life for once.

Well, for at least 12 days.

We didn't do anything particularly special on his vacation other than take Evelyn to the zoo for her birthday. John posted most of the pics on facebook so there's nothing new for me to post here. Other than that, we just hung out together at home, ran random errands sans kids (whoo!) and spent some time with my parents.

I know, we're so exciting. Calm down now.

***

So... after Evelyn's kindergarten experience is improving. I mean, after the first day how could it get any worse? EH. We're now driving her to and from school and it's been ok so far. I've been able to leave the kids at home in the morning with either Steve or John and I've only had to take the kids to pick up twice. So far Oliver's behaved in the stroller, thanks to bribes of korean yogurt juice and crackers. Hey, whatever works right?

***

I just read what I've written so far and WOW, I'm lame! What's wrong with me, jeez. I am bo-rinnnng.

WAH WAH WAH - Charlie Brown's teacher.

***

BTW, I totally owe Evelyn a birthday post.

*sighs*

***

To be continued...

Maybe....

Someday....

If you're lucky.....

But don't count on it.....

I need DVR and a regular babysitter

Ok, enough about kindergarten... for now. Traumatized, pissed, blah blah blah.

Let us talk about more pressing issues.

FALL TV!

GLEE:

My new obsession! If you haven't caught the show yet, you need to run to your computer and watch it online. Just go! Hurry! The music is great, the one liners make me grab my stomach in laughter and it's just different than what is out there. Seriously, I can't stop listening to the music online. LOVE IT.

VAMPIRE DIARIES:

*Groans* I know, I know. It's totally like Twlight. But not. And it's for silly teenagers. But not. And Paul Wesley is quite cute. Like Robert Pattinson. It's one of those shows where it's so bad that it's sooo good. :)

NCIS and NCIS Los Angeles:

NCIS is my go-to favorite show right now. I'm all caught up from reruns on The USA Network (God bless the USA) and can't wait for the new season to begin. I'm also excited about the spinoff, which stars L.L. Cool J and Chris O'Donnell. Mmmmm.

Sidebar - Do you notice that all the shows on the WB and the CW want us (the 30 somethings) to basically relive the years of our youth; or more accurately, wish we could relive the days of our youth as rich, beautiful young white people with perfect skin and glimmering white teeth? Does anyone else feel inadequate as a regular human being watching these mannequins? Or is it just me?

Shows I have been neglecting but promise to try and watch regularly this season:

House
Chuck
Grey's Anatomy
Law and Order: SVU
Friday Night Lights
Lost

Dude, I really need to get DVR, don't I?

So, what else should I be watching?


***

We went to a wedding today and were gone for over five hours. I can't remember having enjoyed a wedding this much in a long time. Oh, and did I mention that we left all three kids at home? It felt like a mini vacation today! My awesome cousin John came down on his day off and entertained the kids and dogs all day long. He fed them snacks and meals nonstop and even dealt with Oliver's inability to wear pants around the house. Luckily, Oliver was kind enough to humor him with a pair of Thomas the Train underwear. Eh.

But yes, today was a very enjoyable day. Now all the kids are sleeping, John is at the Puyallup Fair for work (to take pictures) and it's just me, the computer and the dogs. Actually, the dogs are passed out on the floor next to me. It's been a good day.

Hmm, although it would probably be a little better if I had a burger and fries. At least John is bringing me home a bag of Fair scones. Mmm, butter.

One way ticket to Denial River

After years of denial and dogged determination to avoid the inevitable, we've finally come to terms with it.

We need a minivan.

Part of my soul just died writing that out.

I swore I'd never get a minivan unless we had four children. and no, I'm not pregnant. I told myself we were fine with our good old Pathfinder. Currently we shove have three carseats straight across, with Wesley backwards facing in the middle. We can fit two strollers plus a large load of groceries in the back. I figured we'd be fine driving the Pathfinder until it finally sputtered to its brave, trusty end.

But alas, we were wrong.

We just need more room. More ease in getting our kids buckled in quickly and efficiently. But more importantly, we just need a car with better gas mileage than what the Pathfinder gives us. I mean, I might as well be pouring gasoline out the window as I drive down the freeway.

And don't worry, it's not like I'm worried about tainting my image of a "cool mom". It's not like I've ever had that "cool" mom vibe to begin with so it's not like a minivan can do any further damage, right?

Talk about eating my words. For all the talk about never, ever being one of those moms who drive a minivan, look at me! Just give me a fork, knife and some alka seltzer because I'm about to eat some bitter, acid inducing words.

I don't even know who I am anymore...

Self absorbed at the core

Sometimes I wonder who exactly reads this blog. When I was using Wordpress, I could easily track the number of people who visited the site. I know there is a way to track it on Blogger but I'm finding I kind of don't care anymore.

Wait!
Let me rephrase.

I do care. I care about the people who do read this blog. When someone at church comes up to me and tells me she enjoyed my story about Oliver's tantrumfest, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It also makes me realize people do read between the lines and know that, while I might feel like my brain is going to explode into tiny, tiny pieces on a daily basis, they know I love my kids and have a sense of humor to deal with whatever comes my way. So yes, I do appreciate the people that take the time to read this, as mundane as I may seem at times. I mean, how much can one person write about poop, vomit and crying you wonder? Well, let me just tell you, A LOT. I can write about it A LOT.

Let's be honest - Blogs are pretty self serving vessels. I mean, I do think many positive things come from blogging. I read one blog regularly who has found a group of faithful (literally and metaphorically) followers who pray for her ailing son. I've read some very insightful stories on parenting, marriage, kids.

But like I said, blogs are at their core, self serving. Honestly, I am a fairly shy person (no... really...) but oddly enough I feel comfortable sharing some of my life with you right out here in the open. I often write about my parenting mishaps. Oh I'm sure some people judge me. Hey, I judge me too! But really, I am not afraid of people judging me. If I were, then I'd probably wouldn't blog. Or uh, open my mouth. I've learned long ago to stop caring how people perceive me. Only those that truly know me understand what I'm like. But I find something comforting in writing out my thoughts in a journal. This journal just happens to be public. I mean, it's not one of those "Dear Diary" kinds of journals. Let's face it, I'm not 16 and in dire need of braces, a pushup bra and a boyfriend.

Well ok, at least I don't need a boyfriend.

But I do find myself bonding with those in similar situations as mine. It's tough being a stay at home mom on one income with little outside help. It's also tough having three kids under the age of 4 in the dead of the hottest summer we've ever had in Seattle. Seriously, the weather was ridiculous. But anyways, it is nice to find common ground and community with other parents who understand.

Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am thankful I have people who care about me enough to listen to what I have to say.

Whoever you all are.

Reality

This sweet guy needs prayers so very badly.
http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Sometimes we need a good dose of reality to set us back in place. I often need reminders that life is precious and sometimes a missed nap (or two. or three. or... whatever) is not the end of the world.

Ohhhh it may feel like it at the moment - trust me - but in the bigger picture it's just a tiny speck in the parenting journey. God has called me to lead a much more powerful and impactful life than the one I have been living. I don't want to waste this opportunity fretting over the things that don't matter in the end.

So yeah, I needed this. More than you know.